Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
Lots of babies instantly cry when they sit on Santa’s lap…maybe they know something that we don’t! Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale shines a different light on Chris Kringle…a light that makes him a child-eating monster. And his elves? They run around towns kidnapping naughty children. Tucked away in the Korvatunturi mountains of Finland lies the rumored resting place of Santa Claus. An American explorer sets to dig him up but the expedition doesn’t go quite as planned…
Weird things start happening around a little town nestled close by the mountains…a group of men work on a reindeer ranch and they start discovering their reindeer slaughtered. They think there’s a link between their dead exports and the men up the mountain digging. The son of one of the reindeer ranchers, Little Pietari is the only one who knows the truth: he believes that Santa Claus is behind everything going on around town.
These reindeer couldn't fly away from this massacre
The way Old Saint Nick is depicted is dark and gruesome…perfect for the horror film lover! The story is a very dark and innovative Christmas story that will make sure kids aren’t naughty but nice through fear. Sure, “A Christmas Carol” had ghosts, but they weren’t even close to being as scary as the imagination that brought this movie. You’re going to want to check out this R-Rated Christmas Story. Plus, there’s hundreds of naked men running around a snowy forest!
Rare Exports screens one last time tonight at 7:20pm.
A Cadaver ChristmasThis might have to be one of my new Christmas traditions. A Cadaver Christmas is a really fun and campy bloodbath (woah, cadavers with blood? yeah, it goes there). With an old and busted film reel effect, distorted audio and low production value, this movie takes us back to a time of those terrible classic horror films you can only laugh at…and I loved it. It starts right away in a bar with only the bartender and his friend before his annual suicide attempt (sitting at a bar alone on Christmas Eve isn’t a good sign). Mysteriously, a janitor covered in blood walks in and asks to use the bathroom. The bartender quickly calls his cop friend and we have an ensemble cast! The janitor starts telling the story of why he’s covered in blood at the university up the road and before everything could be explained, the cop rushes in and announces that there are cadavers making a mess outside!
Fast Forward: We have the bartender, the drunk, the janitor, the cop, his perp and a cute university security guard battling cadavers left and right while trying to figure out what the hell is going on. My favorite character, the drunk, is hilarious and keeps the tone of the movie light. He’s not so intelligent but in the end, might be the smartest one out of the group. This is a horror comedy…get your friends drunk and come watch a good time unfold on screen. The janitor must have been in the army before he kept “messes unclean” because when he suits up, he looks like a man on a mopping mission. Every now and then there is some filler back story that tries to explain the madness, but I would’ve enjoyed the film even more if it was just a non-stop blood splattering onslaught. It definitely had that feel but then got bogged down by the story.
The Cop, The Drunk, and The Janitor
The cadavers looked great and the kills over Christmas carols are pretty awesome. This is great work from director Joe Zerull and will surely please any genre fan. You can check out the last screening of A Cadaver Christmas at Another Hole in the Head tomorrow at 5:20pm. Stay till the end of the credits because “New Years is going to be hell”
This post is part of our ANITH coverageEvery year, the ANOTHER HOLE IN THE HEAD FILM FESTIVAL unleashes the best dark fantasy, horror/comedy, sci-fi, bizarro-vision cinema in San Francisco. 2011 is no exception — AHITH, PART 8 will throw up 26 features and 15 short films onto the screen at the Roxie Theater, the beating heart of horror starting June 2 through June 17.Visit SF INDIEFEST’s Official Website
Tags: A Cadaver Christmas, AHITH, Another Hole in the Head, Part 8, Joe Zerull, Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
Matthew Fong created advancescreenings.com and is the lead contributor. He watches every type of movie and will try almost anything twice. You can follow him on twitter here: @matthewfong
